elephantine

i hate sitting around and feeling like that person who was just screwed. not in a horrible way- not like my best friend just spread a rumor about me - not like i got caught cruising facebook at work- not like i completely humiliated myself in front of a large crowd. it is however a feeling like someone who i want to believe and who i want to be with who blows me off. someone who i want to see so badly for no reason at all someone who i know this about: why would i want to be with someone so badly who does not be with me always who does not want to be with me in bad time in annoying times in boring times- but only selective times. 

it seems silly. i should be able to do what he does. not be pick up the phone. make other plans and  disregarding his plans at all. be ready for other people. close my eyes and not see him. it doesnt make any sense at all.