feverish dreams

I have this reoccurring dream that he walks in the door and I say were have you been, and he says I'm sorry I'm late, and I say what took you so long. Then we kiss like nothing happened at all.

Now every time I hear someone on the steps my heart stops. 

Even though I know that's not how he would do things at all, he never much liked surprises- especially now. 

I feel like I am wasting my time.